Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
