I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
