I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
