Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
