No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
