ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
