True but thats because hes a fetus.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
