I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
