i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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