Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He better not be in your backpack
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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