So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
