i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
