you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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