Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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