Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
