Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
