Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
