just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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