I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
