Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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