so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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