She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
