Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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