Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
