my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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