How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
