Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
