Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize