my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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