What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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