Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So here I am, sexting at work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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