Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So squirting runs in the family.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
