and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
