I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
