i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
