If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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