I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
