Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
