We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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