i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
