I wish you could order shots online.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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