Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
