I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
