no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
