I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
