last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
