He had one of those small greek statue penises
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
