It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
