So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
