there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
