you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just fell off a train. Bad.
id be glad to
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
