Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
