I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
