either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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