ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
