Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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