Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
