We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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