I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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