tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
