Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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