once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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