12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
