Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
