I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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